June 10, 2011
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Let’s talk beautiful
It was in the teeny tiny first and second grade classroom at Northwoods Mennonite School in Wisconsin. It was before they built their beautiful new church and the school was all crowded into the basement. I was having morning devotions with my students. They were the sweetest bunch that year and I have happy, happy memories of that place and time.
“Sometimes,” I said, “we meet people and think Oh my, they’re not very nice looking! Maybe they’re even so ugly that we aren’t sure we want to be friends with them. But then we learn to know them and pretty soon we think they’re beautiful because their beautiful hearts shine through. And we forget that we ever thought them ugly.”
Pretty, sensitive, impulsive 2nd grade LeeAnne waved her hand and when I called on her she burst out, “I know someone like that! It’s you!”
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I hope I thanked her graciously.
I know. Beauty is only skin deep and it’s character that counts and what is the definition of what’s beautiful anyway.
But face it. There are Beautiful people. There are Average People. There are Homely People. There are Ugly People. (You could argue the ugly and say that God doesn’t make anyone ugly—and you’re right. But there ARE people who are not blessed with
anymany redeeming outward qualities.)My 3 and 5 year olds already pick up on the whole pretty/ugly thing. I’ve tried really hard not to classify people that way when I’m talking with my children, but it doesn’t take them long to see for themselves who’s goodlooking and who’s not.
I have read that even small babies respond more pleasantly to a beautiful face than to a plain one. I’ve also read that one thing that makes people more pleasing to look at is symmetry of features. The closer one side of your face is to matching the other side, the more appealing you are, I guess.
My personal evaluation of beauty somehow involves straight white teeth and small cute noses on ladies. Straight white teeth and nice noses on men. Probably because I have not been blessed with either straight teeth or a cute nose.
Anyhow….
I was going to keep this light.
And come to think of it, I can’t really think of any person I know personally that I would say is ugly.
But this is Friday’s Featured Question:
Why DID God make some people so much more attractive than others?
(This does not burn in my soul like it used to. I am {usually} okay with how I am made. Well-except for when I see photos of myself or sit by a very beautiful lady.)
And puh-LEASE if you answer my featured question, do not try to tell me I am beautiful or make any comments to that effect. Because that would defeat the purpose of what was supposed to be fun and make me feel silly and stupid.
I know we can’t know why the Creator does things the way He does.
The Bible talks often about people who must have had special attractiveness—at least enough that they were taken note of. We know that Sarah was beautiful and David was handsome and Leah was (probably) plain and Rachel was beautiful and Joseph was a head-turner.
So let’s talk about Beautiful—or Not. And does it affect your life? Your self-image? How you view others? Do you (like me) sometimes classify the Very Beautiful as probably being proud or snobbish before you even learn to know them? How unfair is that?
And how do you define true beauty?
Today we are planning to clean toilets, scrub iced tea and chocolate syrup off the floors, touch up the kitchen window, clean the crumbs out from under the toaster and say a final goodbye to this week’s laundry. Maybe time in the water will take the dandelion stains from my hands and the dirt from my fingernails.
I will have dark circles under my eyes from staying up too late. My teeth will not be straight today. I hope I will be smiling every minute, but it’s not likely.
And what about you?
Comments (26)
I know this…Beauty certainly IS in the eye of the beholder. Because sometimes people who others consider beautiful I don’t and those who I find to be beautiful others don’t think they always are.
Accepting myself and how I look has been a long and not yet finished process for me. I’ve come quite a ways, but i certainly still have my insecurities.
Why God made some people so beautiful and others not so much? I really don’t know why that is. I know that extremem beauty can sometimes be a curse (believe it or not) because people like you just for your looks and friendships are shallow. At least, this is what I have heard.
Also, I don’t assume that beautiful people are snobby, but I do know that I am intimidated by them…whether men or women.
Very interesting subject. I am curious to see what others write.
And poor little Leeanne, she probably had NO clue about what she was saying or that you would clearly remember it 15 years later!
I taught school (and have kids) so I know all about the things little people can say to you. When my own kids says it, it doesn’t sounds as bad somehow.
I had a few comments like that too. It always made me wonder, if they noticed little things about me like that, what were they seeing in my character?
Beauty… I like to imagine that no matter how beautiful one looks, they still struggle with something, just like us average ones do. There is still something that they would change given the chance. So that puts them on our level, doesn’t it?
Why create such a diverse mess of people? I don’t know, until I know different I’ll just claim my looks from my parents.
Like Audrey said, I like to assume the best about everyone I meet, but my, I can be intimidated by beautiful people. I’m sure if I were one of those people, I would hate for people to think of me like that so maybe I need to start changing my attitude.
What an interesting topic. You have such a wonderful, graceful way of expressing yourself.
I was just thinking about this topic a few weeks ago.
My mom and dad came to church with us last month. They don’t attend our church but they visit very occasionally. They are acquainted with most of our church family but not familiar enough to recall everyone’s names. After church my dad pulled me aside. He wanted me to remind him of the names of several woman so he began to describe them physically “You know the one with salt and pepper hair, matronly looking woman…” I was puzzled by his descriptions, I kept thinking “None of the ladies I know fit those descriptions.” I realized that for many years now I had stopped looked at their physical features. When I look at their faces and hear their names spoken I instantly think of their character. Words like: confident, generous, gentle, no-nonsense, hard working, straight speaking…
I realized that these women, who I love and respect, have become beautiful to my eyes because of their spirit, because of the way the love and care for me and my family. I’m not saying that I don’t notice physical features at all, I do, especially when I first meet someone, but once I get to know someone it’s their personality that defines them in my eyes; to the point that it literally changes the way I see them physically. I know a very gorgeous girl who is thoughtless, silly, vain and when I look at her I only see emptiness.
I know what you mean about straight white teeth. Most of my life I have been embarrassed by my crocked teeth, but I am learning to accept them, in fact I’m not sure I would be April if I didn’t have them
Ok the Leeanne story made me burst out laughing. So typical.
Yes, I tend to have a hauty attitude about beautiful people. It is totally unfair and wrong. You said you equate beauty with a cute nose and nice teeth–I equate it with a slender form.:)
Interesting topic. I don’t know why God made everyone to look so different.
I do like what Audrey said, Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder.
A lot of the time, it’s a matter of taste and opinion. What is beautiful to one, might not be beautiful to another.
In the bible when God speaks of Esther being beautiful, or Joseph, or David…I do wonder what they looked like?
On teeth. In Song of Solomon when he talks of her having all of her teeth.
I suppose we should be happy to have teeth. Crooked or not! Haha.
(I too wish I had beautiful white teeth!)
Happy Weekend to you. =)
Another interesting post. How often I’ve wished to be ‘beautiful’.
But it is like was mentioned in above comments, beautiful people are intimidating (to me). For some reason I automatically assume they are looking down on me because of my looks.
And yet, beauty does NOT matter. Outward beauty, at least.
And to your original question, ‘why did God make some people so much more beautiful than others?’ I guess I always think that if everyone would be beautiful, we wouldn’t appreciate it. Kind of works that way for other areas too. (would I appreciate beautiful spring flowers as much if they’d bloom year round?)
I do think the most beautiful people are those who have God’s love shining through them. And that’s the kind of beauty I want to have.:)
I love what inanorchard said. I feel much the same way…..my problem lies more with uncleanliness. that is what my struggle is-when people have eye crud and things stuck in their teetch, when they’re leaning too close to me and a piece of dandruff flakes off….that is when I have to resist the temptation to turn and run. I still struggle seeing their heart…..although, I’ve come a long way and sometimes I truly feel the emotion I long to….empathy, compassion, ect.
As for myself-I figure the Lord didn’t make me beautiful because I would have been vain. My husband thinks I’m beautiful, and that’s all that matters. (I know it sounds cliche, but it truly is primarily what I care about). And God has ALWAYS thought I am beautiful.
ps-I resisted the urge to write what I thought about you!! just because you said so.
oh, luci. that story made me sad because it would have CRUSHED me and it made me happy because obviously she loved you and felt safe with you and recognized the beauty of your soul and so you became beautiful to her…and that pretty much sums up my problems with this topic.
( when zoe was born, our pastor stopped by the hospital to see her. he was commenting how cute she was and then he said “everyone always says ‘marc and lisa have the cutest kids in the whole church.’ they just look so much like marc, and they have that curly hair like him……” i hope and pray he never thinks back and realizes what he said and how it sounded. because truly, it did not hurt my feelings, since i already realize it.
)
i always wanted to be strikingly beautiful, yet i KNOW my spirit is a million times more important. i think i struggle the most because i know i am married to a striking man and our children are cute and then i am the extremely average looking mom in the family. and i feel like i stick out.
my deepest desire is to be the kind of lady, that when people observe our family, of striking husband and kids and average looking mom, they don’t even focus on my features but rather their first thought is of the expression on my face and in my eyes. one of love, and gratitude, and true care and interest in other people.
so there is my ramble for the day. and i did not answer your featured question.
p.s. you are beautiful. long before i “knew” you, i thought that. from a picture that used to hang on valerie glenn’s fridge. i never forgot your beautiful face.
Very interesting reading…………I have wished many times that I was one of those strikingly beautiful ladies. Since I am not its my daily prayer that God’s love, joy and peace would shine in my life and people would see that. Yes when I see a lady who in my opinion is beautiful I am sure she wants nothing to do with plain jane me………..and then I meet someone who doesn’t have the “looks” but after speaking to her I find her to be truly beautiful from the inside out.
Btw – a friend Janice Gingerich told me about you and your blog. I have enjoyed reading. Keep it up !!!!
I see beauty in eyes. When someone’s eyes are joyful and clear I think they’re beautiful. If one can look @ one’s self in the mirror and see who they are through Christ and be joyful in that, that person is beautiful. And the women who have gone through the most horrible things but still have that peace and joy in their eyes, THOSE women are amazingly beautiful! I liked this topic Luci…it’s something we women all know a little bit about. I always hope I can spread a little of that beauty in my days here.
@amyjane30 - Oh I liked this answer very much! I completely agree!
@appalolly - I’m so glad that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. That really is the truth. And the diversity is what makes the world interesting. I hope Lee Anne doesn’t feel bad if she ever reads this. She is (and was) such a sweetie.
@madisonsmom2 - So true about insecurities—we all have them.
@writersblock02 - I didn’t even get into figures, I know. I always feel feel inferior to those generously endowed in the right places.
@Elizabethmarie_1 - Yes! I am glad too that I still have all of my teeth.
@the_schlabachs - I love your analogy to the flowers and our appreciation of beauty. That is so true and I never thought of it like that before.
@inanorchard - once I get to know someone it’s their personality that defines them in my eyes; to the point that it literally changes the way I see them physically. I love that! Thanks for your wise and encouraging words.
@SpeakinginLove - I have often thought, too, that I would be vain if I was very beautiful because God knows how much I notice beauty. I’m so glad, too, that Dan thinks I’m beautiful and tells me so. I just need the grace to believe him–& God.
And you are right- neat cleanliness goes far beyond attractive features or figure.
@Angela Fehr@facebook - I know. The Leah stories make me sad. And how many life stories are similar? I guess that was kind of the gist of what I was trying to say here. I just feel sad about when outward beauty overpowers the inner stuff that matters. But oh–I want the 2nd Peter beauty too.
@mlt10202002 - I am not sad anymore about that story. The little girl who said it was so sweet & impulsive and in a way I took it as a compliment. What a compliment to you-that you have the cutest kids at church. :) And oh I get the part about Marc and your striking children. I have heard so often about my girls….”They are so beautiful. They look just like their dad.” I’m so glad they do, though. And I like very much the rest of what you wrote. I am sure that what you hope people see in you they do–because that is who you are. You are kind–about the photo.
@onebusymom - Thanks for visiting here. I hope I learn to know you more.
@amyjane30 - You are right on, Amy! Eyes truly are where the beauty all starts or ends. I love how you put that.
I loved reading your comments today. Thanks so much! I TOTALLY believe that inner beauty & character is what counts. I just had so many hang-ups and jealousy issues when we first got married. I could write a post on that someday.
And I am longing to teach our children to look beyond the outside to the beauty within and cultivate that.
I think that since we are made of flesh and physical we are also visible to others and ourselves. Well it is obvious. But it is not often that we ponder on these facts. I often think that some people are better looking that others but really how do we know this. How do we know that a face is beautiful and another not so beautiful. As you mentioned it could have something to do with symmetry. This is a good subject..
I laughed out loud at your story and read it to my son. Wow. Isn’t it crazy how important beauty is, and how out of our control? I had the experience of being the plain sister growing up next to a beauty, which leads a person to lots of false conclusions such as, “It’s a good thing Paul met me first or he would have fallen for her like everyone else.” I’ve also had the experience of looking better in photos than in real life, which caused a guy beside me on a plane to look at our family picture and then at me and sputter, “But…! You’re so pretty on there!” Arrgg. And when I look at 20-year-old pictures I think, “You know, I thought I was ugly but I wasn’t, really, compared to now,” and then you realize this is as good as it’s going to get and it’s all downhill from here looks-wise.
It certainly helps to a) have lots of other more pressing things in life to think about, b) have a deluded husband who thinks you’re beautiful, c) have a sense of humor d) have the beautiful sister grow older right along with you and e) realize that people will remember you for your kindness, smile, etc. rather than how you looked.
@mlt10202002 - p.s. I need to add that I see a LOT of you in those cute little faces of your children.
@dorcassmucker - I grew up in the shadow of a more beautiful sister too. But like you said, babies and life take their toll on both of us and it just doesn’t matter anymore. Had to laugh at the airplane man. We just don’t think before we speak sometimes, eh? Love your a-e points. Thank you.
interesting post, interesting comments.i could say so much more, but i am not close to my laptop, and poking on a phone is tedious. i will likely be back!
I often think about the fact that we all have the same amount of openings on our heads. 2 eyes. 2 ears,1 nose and 1 mouth and yet everyone looks different. Don’t we serve an awesome God who can think up such a variety of people.
recently, in the midst of all my insecurities, vulnerabilities and past *sigh* experiences stirring up fears of rejection, i was reminded by a dear friend that people enjoy someone when they feel cared for, not because of how they looked or what they wore. which is so true.
i can feel totally intimidated by beauty, letting it bump into all those lies about being less than and not enough…but! the truly beautiful people that i see and know are those that care for others well.
@down_onthefarm - I love that–”the truly beautiful people are those who care for others well.” It’s so true.
Yeah, I also classify people, and I have had my insecurities in this area for sure! I blogged about this subject awhile ago, and it (writing, plus all the great comments) helped me to work through some of my issues. It’s not like I could spit out a lot of answers now, but I came to a place of peace about it all. I still have these moments when I think, but that is so not fair that she is so gorgeous without even trying! :) And also, I can really go in circles about the inner beauty thing. Because people
say
that it’s the inner beauty that really shines through, and that’s what people notice. I know that’s true to a degree, but I’m such a realist, and hello there’s still a difference in their looks, and mine–and we all know that. Beautiful people–if they’re friendly they don’t intimidate me, but if they hold me at arms length I have a hard time giving them a fair chance.
@twofus_1 - Christy! Link me to that blog post, please. Because your comment kind of put in a nutshell what I was trying to say. It saddens me (not because I feel so sorry for myself) that the people with the looks automatically kind of have their way made or something. (and yet–that is really not what I want to say because it’s so general and relative.)
I am a realist too. Pleased to have met you.
@quiet_hearts -
You are always so complimentary~
Part 1
Part 2
so I’m back. I have a laptop. the house is quiet. I can think so much better when my fingers can fly across a real keyboard!
Beauty… I always wished to be beautiful. To have a pretty face and be tall and slim. Manageable hair that always looks neat would be a great plus. Having a husband who finds me beautiful has been wonderful for my self-esteem, but I still struggle sometimes. Truth be told, even if I were beautiful, I probably wouldn’t think I was, just like I thought I was FAT when I was 17 and was well within the normal weight for my height. Because nobody is completely flawless, and I would always see my flaws.
Do you think struggling with not feeling beautiful is something that is passed on by our parents? Both of my parents have low self-esteem, and my mom completely believes that she is fat, ugly, and no one really likes her. So it seemed like it was easy for her to believe that she couldn’t have good-looking children that were, if not popular, at least accepted. She never told me that I was ugly, to be sure, but she never assured me that I was beautiful, even to her. And she seemed to agree with me when I would cry that no one liked me. It seemed like she passed her insecurities down to me, and I just pray I can break that cycle with my children. I think my daughters are lovely, and while I certainly don’t want them to be vain, I do want them to be able to hold their heads high, happy with the way God made them, whether or not they fit the world’s standards of beauty.
@richlyblest - Thanks for coming back. I always like your openness. I wonder, too, about passing on insecurities and i think that’s one reason this topic grips me right now. Because I feel that it’s ok for me to complain about how I look, but I h.a.t.e. to hear my (beautiful) 11 yr old agonizing over her teeth and her hair. But hello Luci! Where is she getting this ingratitude from? We often tell our children that they are beautiful or handsome and I think it’s a good thing. I like your last lines.
@twofus_1 - Thanks for those links, Christy. So much to think about. I will have to come back and read them again.
@mlt10202002 - @quiet_hearts
Ok, i know you will think i am defeating the whole purpose of this post and I do understand what you are all saying, but I personally know both of you and I happen to think you are both beautiful. So there! =)