September 21, 2011

• all we need

  She woke up smiling but it quickly turned sour when I gave her milk in a sippy cup instead of the regular cup she insisted on using.

  I drew some warm bathwater and put her in the tub with the bubbles and her new doll from Grandma to play with. Twenty minutes later she wanted to get out.

  She’s chilly from the wetness. I rub her dry and she begs me to hold her, all bundled in the rough green towel that smells of Sunlight Fresh Rain laundry soap.

  Cradled in my arms, I soak in her beauty. Brown skin, brown eyes, pretty lips and white, white teeth. I kiss her face and tell her I love her.

  She smiles and sings the first lines of our favorite song, hers and mine. “I love you so much, I love you so much. I can’t even tell you how much I love you.” Almost on key. Big breaks between each syllable as she tries her best to get each one in correctly.

  I hold her. And all the frustration I felt last night and this morning when I tried to wake up oozes away.

  I forgive you, baby. I forgive you for last night when your wild habit of getting over-tired and stringing both of us out to the max kept us up till 1 a.m. When the frustration of mothering the 6th 2 year old made me want to cry and the weariness overtook me and left me unable to make decisions for anyone’s good. When I was too tired and too cross and too lazy to take the time to train you right.

  I dress her and make her the thing she loves best for breakfast–her dippy egg. Runny yolk, the whole thing mashed up. She drinks her orange juice and eats her toast and jam. And because it’s a special morning there are blueberries.

  

  We take apart the wet doll from Grandma that’s dripping water all over the place to drain out the water. But I can’t get the second leg back on again, even though I sit down on the floor and try for what feels like forever. It makes her sad, this one-legged doll.

  Then Dan comes in and she’s so happy see her daddy. He hugs her. She gives him the doll and man-like, he easily twists the leg back into place. He just grins when I say, “Now how DID you do that?”

  You know what?

  That’s all humanity really needs.

  We need a warm bubble bath when we’re feeling grouchy.

  We need someone to hold us and soak in our beauty when we’re wet and cold and nasty.

  We need to be told that we’re loved.

  We need to be forgiven for the way we’ve misused the time and the preciousness of others.

  We need good food to keep us going.

  And blueberries once in a while.

  We need a wise strong Daddy who fixes our brokenness.

  • 4:50 pm
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