February 28, 2012

  • the cheese sauce is lumpy

    The cheese sauce for the casserole I made to take to school for hot lunch got lumpy.

    The jello didn’t set.

    And when the JWs knocked on the door I crouched down in front of the kitchen sink and sat quietly until they left. They saw the lights on and the kiddoes running around inside. And they didn’t give up easily. But I held my ground.

    This morning I realize anew that my propensity to say what’s on my mind and bring out in the open the subjects that we kind of skirt around but all know are there is not necessarily a healthy trait.

    I also know that it’s in me to act all nice and genuine and then have a few little barbs to throw somehow.

    And though I truly didn’t mean to be that way in my last post, I see now that it could have come across that way.

    The timing was really bad.

    In a community of bloggers that welcomed me warmly and taught me so many things, I have insinuated exclusiveness because a group of you are able to get together and share real life.

    I know that I wanted to simply talk about my misconceptions about people ‘above’ and ‘below’ and on the same level as me. And I wanted you ladies who were privileged to be at FFE to be able to share about it and not feel exclusive. Because we all want to see pictures of you together and get in on a little bit of the wonderfulness. And we’re interested. And nosy.

    I just want to say I’m sorry to those of you who found my words on cliques and stuff hurtful or thoughtless.

    And I hope that experiences like this can help me to become a more well rounded person.

    If I had grown up in a big church in PA would I have fewer hangups and labels and wariness of popularity?

    But the flesh/spirit battle is part of life no matter where you grow up. I know that there is a lot of competitiveness and jealousy left in my heart. And I want to bid it goodbye.