March 14, 2012
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ToRn
And caught somewhere in the middle.
*Between my hope of a well ordered home and family
and the reality of budding female hormones and awakening testosterone and the shocking rebellion of a 9 year old and the cries of a two year old who doesn’t want to take a nap. And the reality of my own lack of discipline that lets the clutter get out of hand and then rushes in madly to try to remedy it.
*Between that overflowing, abundant love of Christ.
and the wrath of God against sin.
*Between wanting to look right and get it right.
and the knowledge that I never fully will. Not in this life anyway.
Torn.
*Because I found a bunch of good new blogs tonight (thanks to Audrey’s post on Blogger Envy and everyone saying their favorites)
and I know I don’t have time to read any of them. Besides, I really want to read a few more books before summer comes.
*Because I would be off feeding the homeless, cuddling Chinese orphans, or helping AIDS victims die comfortably
and instead that logging truck keeps heading up the sawmill lane near the house with load after load of logs that will need to be sawed into loads and loads of lumber. (I will not saw the logs. Dan will. He will also preach. And visit people. And be kind to his employees. And deal fairly with his customers. And I, the great long-er of feeding the homeless or something tangible am sometimes afraid to visit my new neighbor or tell someone about Jesus.)
Torn
*Because I want that cute pair of flats
but my shoe organizer is full already.
*Because the wealthiest 20 percent of the world’s population receives almost 83% of the world’s income
and the poorest 20 percent receives less than 2 percent.
*Because it is so much easier to check the latest on facebook
than it is to read His Words to me.
*Because we conceived and had babies so easily. And my friend Michelle just had her second miscarriage.
*Because my life is easy in material ways and I like it that way,
yet I long for More and Deeper. I long to have generosity and hospitality and kindness. And Love that sees beneath the outward facade to the true worth of every person.
Caught
*Between wanting to be popular and beautiful
and knowing that the most beautiful thing in the world is a heart at peace
and the fact that Jesus never promised popularity to His followers.
*Between faith
and works.
*Between the seriousness of the Narrow Gate and the Narrow Path to Life
and my love of peace and harmony and let’s just find the things we agree on, shall we.
*Between how much time I should spend cleaning and decorating and exploring creative blogs
and just being content with my life and home as it is in all its ungainly splendor.
*Between so wanting to be that good and respectful and cheerful little wife
and my fear of losing any strength of character and uniqueness that makes up who I am.
But in that tearing and searing and stretching
I know that He says,
“Be still and know that I am God.”
And Mother Teresa said,
“Following Jesus is simple, but not easy. Love until it hurts, and then love more.”
“Simple but not easy-and in the difficult times: Simple and hard as crud.”-Shaine Claiborne-
“What the world needs is people who believe so much in another world that they cannot help enacting it now.” (that Claiborne guy again)
And the good words of that hymn:
“Be still my soul, the Lord is on thy side….
Leave to thy God to order and provide….”
Peace to all of you. THAT kind of peace.
Comments (10)
Very thought provoking post. Thanks for writing! I always get excited when I see a new post from you.
I really enjoy your writing.
Tis true. Our society switches the “price tag” on things. We value the worthless and undervalue the priceless. New flats = worthless. New neighbor = priceless. (Sigh.)
Happy Wednesday, friend! Praying we all choose the priceless today!
SUCH a good post. I’m torn between those same things so much. And the hymn at the end…always been one of my favorites. Thank you for making me think on this dreary Wednesday.
oh, my, you packed a sermon in this one.
torn….somewhere in the middle….
yes. that’s me. somewhere in the middle. but i want to cross over.
but maybe it’s the fight that keeps us aware. ????
i don’t know. but i like the way you make me think.
You said it. For me. Thank you, Luci.
Have a great Wednesday, my friend. Hugs.
Yes…… I understand.
This state of being torn…it’s almost like being discontent, or restless…which sounds bad…but REALLY, isn’t it this being “torn” that keeps me seeking, searching, digging, stretching, & reaching for the Father? So in that way…it is good to feel torn……is it not? Torn—and yet at peace. Impossible according to human standards, but methinks it is what Jesus requires.
Drink more coffee, Luci. I like your 1:00am postings.
They get my rusty brain gears moving!
I could relate to a lot of this post! I find myself facing many of the same struggles. Is that just life??
I think you verbalized well what everyone can relate to, at least on certain points. Great post!
what a great post luci. i am torn…between taking the time to express just why i liked this post of yours so much…and the clock telling me that i am going to be miserable tomorrow if i don’t get to bed soon.
don’t you have an adventure out this direction sometime soon?
like a sister thing? hope that you are enjoying your anticipation and *ohmy* all of the preparations too.
@down_onthefarm - yes! Our sister thing is the last weekend of March. I fly into DC. Are you nearby? I will get to see Michelle (God willing), because the sisters are getting together near Harrisonburg, and she doesn’t live too far from there. I am excited about spending Monday morning before I fly out with her. But you are probably in an entirely different direction? I do hope to meet you someday. You ARE planning a trip to Alaska this summer, right?