April 26, 2012
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hit or miss
IN WHICH LUCI MAKES HER USUAL THREAT TO QUIT BLOGGING…..
AND YOU SECRETLY THINK: “WHY doesn’t she, for goodness sake?”
It’s really grey and chilly outside. But at least it isn’t snowing like it was yesterday morning.
I think it was L.M. Montgomery who spoke of “reluctant Canadian springs” and said this: “Snow in April is like a slap in the face when you expected a kiss.” (thanks, Audrey Friesen, for this quote. I was far too lazy to look for it in the books. And Google failed me this time. How dare he??!!)
We have a bad virus in our house (hand, foot, and mouth disease) and I really want to curl up here on the couch and stay in my pajamas all day. Just the little girls are sick so far. The nights have been short and the grumpiness long.
But that pj idea never works around here. Besides, the neighbor is coming for supper because his wife is gone. So there is potato salad to make and mud to scrub. And laundry. Of course.
I feel like I am in a funk with blogging in general. I want to make this a worthwhile spot for you to come read. But I can only put out these haphazard random posts between baking the cookies and hanging the towels on the line. And (among other things) since writing an infamous post (or two-or more) I sometimes doubt my ability to express what I really mean. So I write and then delete. Or I write and even publish and later delete. (Forgive me if you read and/or commented on the last several posts that I published and then annihilated.) Besides, there is always the question of why I try to be another voice in this HUGE world of people spouting their opinions.
While I know we are all more alike than we ever realize, I feel like a minority sometimes. Who “gets” the North, the tiniest little Mennonite church in the world, and my strange take on life in general?
I do not decorate, sew fine things, share words of spiritual wisdom, have child rearing and marriage down pat, do fashion, or take gorgeous photos. I can’t ever quite seem to kick my depression problem though it ebbs nearly away sometimes. I don’t even know if I write. And when I try, things rapidly begin to look like this:
Now IF I were an organized and efficient lady I would take a half hour a day and work at my “writing”. But I am not. And it never works for me to plan to write.
I do not write this for you to rush in and tell me that I am gifted and the world needs my voice and I should keep pursuing blogging if it makes me happy. I write this to tell you where I am. I want to be a breath of fresh air and someone who makes you feel hopeful and encouraged. So maybe I need to wait for a while to write. *And please. I do not mean this as a poor-me-would-you-please-feel-sorry-for-me-and-give-me-affirmation sort of thing. I know you have heard these words from me many times. Self Doubt happens to be my middle name. But I always have this overwhelming sense of needing to be honest about where I stand instead of being graciously quiet.*
Just now maybe I’ll stick with baking cookies and making meatballs. And scrubbing up the mud. I’m doing okay with those things, honestly.
Victoria has been playing the William Tell Overture on the piano. And every time it comes rising from the basement, I think of the Mom Song, which so fits my life at present. Listen here if you haven’t heard it before.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nem0bkErGVY
Love you all. May sunshine dapple your path today. Hopefully literally.
I hope you experience Jeremiah 33:3~ “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” I’m needing some good and wise things from God today. Because I do not know so very much.
Andre really needs to know how they nailed Jesus feet down on the cross. The girls are fighting over paper dolls. Who knows who might show up at the door? I MUST get presentable.
Bye for now.
Comments (13)
Just because a blog post generated some “drama” doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have written it. Hey, at least you got people thinking!
And we are all going to write things that don’t come out the best, but that is not a reason to quit or to give up. What about all of the times you encouraged someone (maybe without even knowing it) or challenged someone or just helped someone to feel like “Yup. I’m normal. And its OK.” There’s my little pep talk for the day! 
I enjoy reading what you write and I know lots of others do too. I also understand the “blogging funk” because I have been there myself.
I hope the sickness in your house clears up soon. We have never had hand, foot and mouth disease, but I am sure it is NO fun! (We did, however, have lice recently, which totally freaked me out!!!)
I may not “get” the North or the tiniest little Mennonite church in the world, but I definitely get your so-called “strange” take on life. Write away, dear lady, and please don’t delete—because here in northwest PA (where we had snow on the ground Tuesday morning and mowed dandelions Wednesday), there is someone who loves to hear from you, and always understands your heart.
I know I should remember what hand foot and mouth disease is, but I don’t and I’m too lazy too google it, but I hope everyone is soon better and no one else gets it. And that picture? My house looks too much like that even when I don’t blog. I wonder why I even try to keep things presentable, because the cleaner things are, the more the girls turn right around and mess everything up!
Why do we spin ourselves in circles like this? It’s not just you, I do it too (and I’d like to think that all woman do).
Pinterest quote: “By being yourself you put something wonderful into the world that wasn’t there before!” In the middle of all the muddle, don’t forget to be yourself, that’s who people really love you for.
I know you didn’t want a bunch of people to come to say to keep writing and we like you, but ‘unfortunately’ that might be what you get.
I have this feeling that your writings strike cords with people more than you realize. And sometimes when you write things and some people misunderstand you or think you don’t have it right there are also people that understand where you are coming from. There are some of us that writing doesn’t flow out from us like other people and when someone has a gift for writing it is so enjoyable to read their posts. Makes it fun for the rest of us.
sigh.
). 
I like the randomness, because it is what I can relate to. I like hearing about your family, your life, etc. because they sound similar to ours. Nothing terribly remarkable or extraordinary. But you have a way of writing it that just makes it ‘click’ for me. And yes, I wish that I could write like you! 
this post, what you said, it sounds remarkably like what I’ve been thinking recently. or maybe I even posted/blogged about it, I can’t quite remember, my brain is feeling slightly foggy right now….
anyway. I know you don’t want people to tell you to keep writing. or pity you. and that is NOT what is going through my mind. (those are the things I tell myself
Here is how I feel about your posts.
Your blog really does feel like a breath of fresh air to me!
And I wish to meet you IRL, I think that would be even more enjoyable.
If you feel like you have nothing to write about, that I understand, too. But surely you WILL have something to write about again. And do not apologize for your randomness. (maybe I should go preach this all to myself, too…
)
Thanks for sharing a bit of yourself with me! And have a wonderful ‘rest-of-the-day’ this Wednesday.
I am begging you not to quit blogging. Please. Pretty please.
I, also, have a depression problem that I can’t quite seem to kick. And I go through seasons where I cannot bring myself to actually click the “publish” button at the bottom of a post I’ve written– because I doubt myself greatly.
You aren’t alone. And I happen to enjoy your baking cookies and hanging wash on the line posts. There are plenty of spiritual advice blogs- and I read some of them now and then, but most of the time I find the greatest fulfillment in reading about someone else’s kids who do the same things mine do- fight over paper dolls and get runny noses and ask strange questions.
This is not a “pity Luci” sort of comment, either. I’m just saying– honestly, dear, I like your writing, it resonates with me, and I would miss you terribly if you quit blogging altogether, although I do not blame you one bit for considering it, because I have been there too.
Love you, dear. Have a great evening up there in the wide, wild, open North. I’ll be thinking of you with a smile. And praying that the virus disappears quickly!!! And that spring comes quickly also!!
I love your blog,please don’t quit. I never comment because I don’t have a blog so it’s too much bother. I don’t decorate either or the other things you mentioned but you’re down to earth real and I like that. I wish I could meet you too. If you ever come to OH…..
hey! you may call it haphazardly random, but your posts between laundry and baking work just fine for this girl. because the normal schnormal is where i’m at…even feeling like the minority too. it’s comfy and inviting here with you. real and honest and also happy and warm. all things i enjoy in a friend…and her blog.
i am no one to clamor around and insist you blog, since mine has withered away to almost nothing. but i sure do love your little spot you have carved out here in the big wide world of internet and i hope you keep it!
i miss you when yo don’t post and you already know what I think about your writing skills!
don’t quit luci.
xo
We need another Panera lunch to finish the conversation?