June 9, 2013
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blogging in the rain
Well–as usual I have a lot to say on a several subjects and it’s such a good, rainy, bloggy sort of day.
4 year old artwork does me right in. I
it. The big circles on the long legs are knees.(Xanga is being contrary and keeps posting a perfectly good, upstanding picture sideways.)
1) I’ve been reading KP Yohannan’s books Revolution in World Missions and No Longer a Slumdog.
He talks a lot about the Dalits of India, the untouchable class.
I want to add about 30 kids to the faces we sponsor with Gospel for Asia. I want to make vows to stop eating out and buying new sweaters. I want to pray with Indian missionaries and see demons fleeing. I want to feed and rescue and teach and nurse.
But here I am in Canada. Blessed beyond what I know what to do with. A freezer full of beef. Offspring who turn up their precious noses over homemade salad dressings and cookies that get dried out. My own self who skirts around the deer sausage in the freezer and reaches for the beef because it tastes better. The self who eats too many cookies and can’t resist another pair of shoes.
The inconsistency of it all grates on me and makes me want to tear out my hair sometimes. I so believe that God has different work for all of us and that we can be generous-hearted and caring even in this rich land where we live, but sometimes I don’t know what living it out daily looks like.
2) I talk to my mom in my head when I’m down fighting thistles and dandelions in the garden.
Mom, how’d you do it? How did you make good, healthy soups for lunch and cook good, healthy suppers 4 hours later? How did you bake your own bread and hang out all that laundry and keep the garden clean? How DID you make sure the whole house got a good cleaning every week? (Like even the main drawers got a tidying and every week we wiped out the medicine cabinet?) And speaking of cleaning, how did you spring and fall houseclean your house every year for 40 years and stay so sane?
You are amazing, that’s all I can say. I love you, but you haunt me. You haunt me when I hang out my last load of clothes at 4 p.m. to catch the evening sunshine. You haunt me when I wipe down a wall and realize that I haven’t ever washed that wall and we’ve lived in this house for 5 years now. You’re in the back of my mind when I make frozen pizza for lunch.
I know that you never hung around in your pajamas till 9 on a summer morning.
You never wasted time doing silly things like finding your celebrity look-alike online. (Would you have if you’d have had the opportunity, I wonder?)
I don’t think you ever went to McDonalds to buy yourself a vanilla chai frappe just because your friends were talking about how good they are.
I know you sometimes read novels late at night and felt grouchy the next day, but that’s about the extent of any frivolousness in your life that I knew about.
I know you’re mellow with age and you don’t condemn me for my lack of depth sometimes.
But really Mom–How DID you do it?
4) We made doughnuts this week. Greasy floors. Stacks of dishes. Happy family. (Sorry if you saw this on facebook.)
5) Our computer shop in town charges $90 AN HOUR for their techs. I’m thinking of going into computer technology.
6) All this talk of Xanga changing and all these friends changing blog sites makes me feel discomfited. I have to get my head out of the sand and figure out a new site, I suppose. But not today. I have such a hard time keeping up with non-xangan blogs. I have no idea where to move. I’m sad to say goodbye to people that I may never get around to reading because we’re going to different places. (sigh)
7) Sorry (again) if you saw this on Facebook, but here is the sunset at about 11 p.m. on June 5th. Sun sets at about 10:35-ish right now. You know you wished you lived here.
8) My babies in the tub still need me to wash their hair, so I’ll say goodbye.
~May your Sunday be graced with Jesus.~
Comments (17)
I hope they can keep Xanga going. Those doughnuts look so yummy! We went to hear KP maybe 30 years ago? We’ve believed in Gospel for Asia ever since.Made me think of a song, We’ll work till Jesus comes! We don’t have to feel guilty, but we can help souls be saved. I think that’s a wonderful thing!
I’ll have to see if I can find you on Facebook. I started a page that I want to put all my old posts on. I think I’m going to start blogging a different way with media that is easier to move around and I can have it backed up on my devices. With all the change that is going on today you never know.
Hope you have a great Sunday and hope to see you around online somewhere, if not here.
Luci, I love your posts. I read every single one of them and think about how much you impacted our children in one short school year… they still rate you as their #1 schoolteacher. I often wonder how you can write so honestly about your dreams, and yet the real life you live, the way you describe your down times and honest humanity versus what you long for. Your dreams and goals are not lofty, they seem real to me and yet you always seem to write about where the rubber hits the road.
I’ve wondered many times what it is that makes people be able to touch the human heart in writing. You definitely have that gift. It’s a gift I admire and wish I had. It seems when I write, it comes off as complaining, arrogant, selfish, prideful, you name it a host of things that make a person want to slam the covers of the book shut. I long to be able to be real in my writing without coming off as a know-it-all or better-than-thou and yet not dark, depressive writing filled with complaints about the injustices of life.
About six months ago, I mentioned to a cleaning lady that I had never scrubbed the ceramic tile in our shower since we remodeled and it had been over a year. The look of shock that crossed her face made me feel like “Oops, I shouldn’t have said that” I felt like a terrible housekeeper. I call that “stubbing my toe”. I’m always stubbing my toes.
Then when I joyfully announce all my blessings and wonderful things that I feel God has blessed us with, it feels like I’m bragging. I get the feeling that people feel that I THINK I have life all put together. I swing wildly from one pole to the other, trying to be real, honest and longing to touch the heart of people through writing.
I get long winded and far too detailed and people get bored. It seems to me the only people that actually read my posts are the ones that do it because they love me, NOT because they can’t wait to get to the next chapter, to see what’s around the corner… the breath-taking “can’t put the book down” kind of reading.
I find your posts to be dramatic, full of the real, the now, the longing, hopes and dreams of past, present and future. I love to read what you write and I hope you are keeping a collection of everything you pen to put together for a book for your offspring. You do well and judging by your following, I am not alone in my thinking.
I like this post. The part you wrote about talking to your mom really resonates with me.
My Mom always kept her house spotless.
Cleaned the refrigerator every week.
Drawers were clean, cupboards clean.
Bathrooms fresh & tidy.
sigh.
In my dreams.
I still don’t know how she did it and also did all the other stuff.
So, in the meantime, I plug along, hoping to get drawers & cupboards cleaned out this summer (for the first time in I won’t say how many years..).
On the flip side, I’m glad that life is more than keeping a house clean.
Have a great week!
Enjoyed your post, Luci. Those doughnuts look absolutely wonderful. I could go for one about right now. I am not sure what I will do about xanga either. I do not plan to pay. I am considering a blogspot page, but I haven’t really checked it out yet. I have quilting friends there, so that is a draw. Hope you have a great rest of the day, and I hope I don’t lose touch with you.
@mcbery - I’ve seen you on facebook, so I’ll know where to find you.
I really love the work GFA does too.
@the_schlabachs - I’m glad life is about more than a clean house too. My mom has said that she doesn’t really like being known as the lady with the clean house because when she gets to heaven that won’t do her a lot of good. I’m so glad for what she taught me though. If I’d have had a sloppy mom, where in the world would I have landed??
I’m plugging away at cleaning projects this summer too. Sigh. Can you imagine being able to say that your house is totally housecleaned?
@minniesonora - Oh Lois Ann. Your words are so gracious. Thank you! I feel so frustrated about writing too–in the exact ways you mentioned. I have often felt with this whole blogging thing like you either “have it” or you don’t and I don’t usually feel like I have it. Over time, I hope I am seeing it as kind of like physical beauty. Some of us are not as blessed as others are with good looks, but each person has their own redeeming qualities that make them attractive. I find that there is writing I enjoy because it’s so good, but there’s also writing I enjoy because the person behind it appeals to me, whether I know them or not…whether their work is high quality or not. I laughed about the “following” because I feel like mine has dwindled a lot lately (perhaps partly because of people changing to other blog sites) and I’m afraid people are getting tired of me. But I still feel compelled to write and will continue to do so in some shape or form. One of my friends says you go through “crushes” in blog reading when you find a new voice that resonates with you. But then you get tired of that voice over time and even though you might still enjoy reading that person, it doesn’t appeal like it did in the beginning. Perhaps we aren’t meant for that much relationship with any one person? (her words, not mine) I am rambling on here. I like to read what you write! I hope you can be yourself and enjoy it for the writing itself. I know I get way too hung up on whether anyone is reading or bothering to comment and I wish I wasn’t so fickle. Thanks again for your comment. I’d love to see you and all of yours again! That year I taught your family at Sparta was such a good year!
@song_of_praise - Are you on facebook? I keep thinking I’m just going to have to add a bunch of new friends there to keep up with people if there are big changes on xanga. If I change blog sites, I’ll be sure to tell you where I go and hope you’ll do likewise.
I can look at donuts and sunsets more than once.
and that kind of artwork is the best. so so cute.
my day was graced… hoped that yours was too!
But did you like the Chai Frappe?
We have such blessed lives, don’t we? And the stuff we feel guilty about…God knows it already. Jesus died for it anyhow. So blessed!
The doughnuts look wonderful.
What kind of oil do you fry them in? And do you use doughnut mix or make them from scratch?
Please do keep blogging, I love reading your blog.
I forgot to say too, the donuts looked wonderful. I was imagining exactly how they would melt in my mouth, particularly since I’ve been on a nutritional health change since January.
Yeah, it’s a good thing and I’m starting to heal from many ailments ~ but ~ pictures can sure bring out the desire for a donut! HA!
@Angela Fehr - The frappe was VERY good. My friends have such good taste.
@sewhappymomma - They were fried in canola oil. And it was a recipe from scratch….just grabbed one from a cookbook. Thanks for stopping in to say hello.
well i hadn’t seen any of this on fb so it’s all new to me!
)
the dougnuts just look absolutely fabulous.. like i’m seriously wanting to reach through the screen and snatch one!
and the sunset is gorgeous. no matter how many i see i never get tired of looking at them.
and the part about talking to your mom in your head. yes! i think as daughters our moms are always with us like that.
the longer i parent the more admiration i have for my mom.
i hear ya on xanga. it all makes my head hurt. i had long been in the process of moving blogs. suddenly now, i kinda don’t want to!
happy rest of the week. xo
I am on facebook ~ Carol Yoder. Look me up!
dearest luci, I finally popped that note in the mail that I’ve been so wanting to write to you!
I love your blog and hope that you continue. I am waiting to see what happens with Xanga before I make any decisions. I will stay here if possible.
I couldn’t believe your donuts, because during the sermon on Sunday, Davy (10 years old) leaned over to whisper, “Mom, I want to make donuts! 5 dozen of them!”
We haven’t quite gotten to it, but I can’t wait to show him the pictures here.
I really loved reading this post, especially what you wrote about your mom.