(Photos in this post are from a visit to the B.C. rimrocks and windmills about a month ago. Now the leaves are gone and we’ve had a big snow which disappeared. There’s a snowfall warning out for tomorrow.)
It’s been pretty dull on my blog. Life has not been dull, though. I’ve been with the wide, wonderful, wacky online world for three years now, and have had a blog since May of 2010. Somehow after all this time of having more to say than there seemed to be time or discretion for, I just can’t blog anymore. The topics burning to be discussed have grown quiet. I start writing and close out after a few sentences. And I come back to the usual question. Why do I blog anyway? And is it only crazies like me who read it? 
I was moaning to Dan the other night that I can’t blog anymore and he said, “Well I feel that way about preaching sometimes too but I have to do it anyway.” I knew that already but I realized again that that’s got to be difficult. Because I know that part of my issue with blogging is that I feel like I don’t have my life together. And a pastor has to preach whether he has his stuff together or not.
But I miss the interaction here. Writing, like music, is good for the soul. I Must Blog Today. It could easily go the way of I Must Start Walking for Weight Loss and I Will Not Eat Another Raisin Tart Square. But I will try. Like this good blogger here http://baileyandme2.com/2012/10/11/k-life/ I’ll write in numbered paragraphs. (And I still haven’t learned how to highlight a word that takes you to a site without the big web address dealie. Tell me how in easy terms and I will thank you.)
1. Last night Dan & I watched a lot of the presidential debate. Can you IMAGINE speaking and knowing that every.single.word.you.say will be taken and hashed and rehashed and picked apart and used against you? All I can say is that those men are tough.
2. Liesl can’t stand to sit on her dress. I hadn’t realized her aversion to it until the last few weeks. It is especially noticeable at church or prayer meeting when she hitches her dress up above her panties and then sits down. Last night at Bible study I realized that Sitting Down Like a Lady must be on the top of my teaching list. Today the lessons commenced. She laughs and says, “I keep forgetting!” when I remind her to try again.
3. There are two stories that I can’t forget right now. One is the story of a young girl in southern B.C. who committed suicide after years of horror through cyber bullying. It’s all over in the Canadian news. It’s just so, so sad.
The other is the 40 something guy who’s paralyzed because of some freak accident in a surgery. He weighs 400 lbs. and is in a nursing home because they have the equipment to lift him and care for him. He is intelligent. He is depressed. He has diabetes and may have to have his legs removed because of the sores on them. He keeps eating. He orders in food on the side. There is no policy in place to stop him. He has rights.
I think the reason these stories grip me is because I see myself in both of these people. I see myself in the darkness, the quiet desperation, and the demons that tell me over and over to give up and give in. Sometimes my doubts are so huge that I can’t voice them to anyone. But Jesus is synonymous with Hope. I am so thankful. I want to share HIM.
4. Alec & Victoria went to Wisconsin for 10 days to be with their grandparents and cousins and all the rest. They are 14 and 13. They changed planes in Denver on the way down and will in Chicago on the way home. I am proud of them. I miss them.
5. Nobody told me that parenting would be so hard. Some days I want to run away. But there is nowhere to run. Some moments I know that my heart will burst with love and joy. Parenting is the most harrowing experience in the world.
(That paragraph deserves a medal for profundity. Not.)
6. Dan & I took online personality quizzes the other night. I don’t think my results were very accurate. I was labelled Groundbreaking Thinker. They told me that I was into one-upman-ship. While I didn’t like it much that was probably at least one area of truth. I don’t like it, my competitive side. That’s one reason it’s good for me to step back from the online world sometimes. I get too caught up in my own and others’ “likes” and comments. I hover. I compare. I want to be free, happy with the praise of others, giving it myself from the heart. I don’t remember anymore what Dan’s label was and that makes me feel self-centered.
7. My parents were just here for a visit. Our children are part of a disappearing era who have grandparents whose false teeth come out. The little guys think that it is the most wonderful thing in the world. My mom worries over being a bother to us and Dad just drinks his coffee and has a good time. Mom canned up the tomatoes that were ripe and Dan told me one night that my dad is one of his best friends, which makes my heart happy.
8. I want to live in South Carolina and have buckets of pecans in my freezer.
9. I wrote and then erased a paragraph about Zoloft and natural health remedies and depression. I won’t bother with details. I cried over this song this morning:
Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.
I love it. I didn’t know Amy Grant wrote it.
I wonder sometimes if there are people who just wake up happy every morning. Or do they all work hard at it every single day like I do?
Time to end this sunshiny post. I’m so glad to have the outside work mostly done for the fall. Now I must
a) Read The Screwtape Letters
b) Clean, organize, trash 1/3 of the junk in this house
c) Repeat b
d) Sew for a niece’s wedding
e) Pray that we can go to Faith Builders this winter
f) Repeat b
g) Repeat f
h) Have Mel & Linda for a meal
i) Have Bob & Kate over
j) Sew living room curtains
k) Put pictures on memory stick
l) Teach Andre to write his name and color. He hates coloring and he goes to kindergarten after Christmas.
We are having frozen pizza for lunch. I need to wash up last night’s mugs from Bible study here, along with the breakfast dishes. But the laundry will soon be done and I read to Andre and Liesl. We read The Biggest Bear and the Sunday school paper about a little girl learning to ride bike. We did the activities in the paper, read the back story about turtle soup, and Andre wrote his name on the paper with a yellow marker.
And I blogged.
~Respectfully, Luci
