February 19, 2013

• My February Loves

  I haven’t been blogging much.  It makes me feel guilty to see that people come to visit here and there’s nothing new to read.  I miss interacting.  I miss putting it out there.

  On the other hand, I know that I’m not indispensable to this wide cyber world.  Life keeps happening for all of us, whether I blog or not.  Sometimes there’s just so much to say that you give up trying.  And all the burning words get stilled and then there’s nothing left to say.

  Andre was off to kindergarten the other week, his smile as wide as his round little face.  He pronounced his first day the funnest of his life, not counting Christmas.  I pray for similar sentiments in grade 9.  (Ha!)

  

   

  People are posting about things they love because it’s February.  I compile posts in my head.  I start them and save them.  But nothing comes to completion, kind of like my sewing and housecleaning. 

  My war with how much I let social media control my life rages on.  I love it and I hate it.  Sometimes I think I’m learning how to use it instead of it using me.  But then I have a very bad, lazy time and I’m back to my old habits.

  Valentine’s day came and went.  We did our little  breakfast tradition with candlelight and china and goblets.  It’s easy and the children love it, well worth the extra bother.  The night before, I was writing out notes for each of them and I had to cry a bit.  These children God gave me and the enormity of my job, coupled with the yearning of my heart for their best good is really overwhelming. I love them. 

  

  We have some hard times here.  Our children don’t have the argumentative Peachey/Baer genes coupled with the steely resolve of their Grandpa Martin for nothing.   It’s an interesting life, this parenting business. I quite like it most of the time.

  Dan and I went to Grande Prairie for Friday night and Saturday. Children old enough to stay home alone really make a getaway easier. We love it! I do worry about coming home and finding some of them consumed, with all the biting and devouring they do even when we’re here. “But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another!” Galatians 5:15

  I am happy in our marriage.  There is a comfortable knowing that becomes so much more beautiful and right with the years.  I know that Dan doesn`t like to try exotic new restaurants, so I don`t try to get him to anymore.  He puts up with the way I always, always, always forget to put the seat back when I get out of the suburban. Because he is much bigger than me, it means he can hardly get in without pushing the seat back first.   I try not to nag about the stack of paperwork on the big green desk.  He never complains about Lego all over the floor or pants still being on the line when he needs them.  

  It is hard to write of love.  It is hard, because I have coveted the love experience of others.  It’s hard because not everyone is experiencing love in the ways that I am.  My husband might not fold laundry like yours does.  Maybe yours never makes breakfast and mine does all the time.  Yours writes you words and mine gives me flowers.  Or maybe you feel like my friend who told me she was going to stay away from facebook for a few days over Valentine’s day because she can’t stand all the love posts.  Life and love has not been easy on her.

   Dan works at home every day and is in and out all day long, so there are parts of this beautiful post that make me wistful because there’s not the anticipation thing every time he comes in the door.  However, his presence always makes me feel happy and safe, even if I don’t greet him at the door looking pretty every time very often.  And do not worry.  Romance is alive here.

   We don’t like the same books.  He does business in large, brave ways and I want to keep them small and manageable.  He is the more protective parent.  He doesn’t necessarily notice if I have a new dress.  Sometimes we just don’t get each other.

   But I love the things we agree on:  use of money, simplicity of lifestyle, giving, hospitality, and (usually) how to raise our children.  I love that he is not easily angered, loves children and animals, and puts up with people that many of you would have sent packing long ago.

  I love the man he has become even more than I loved this smooth-faced boy.  And that was a lot!

   

   

   I love him enough that I didn’t make him pose for a picture with me even on our Valentine getaway. 

  We ordered dinner into our hotel room from Denny’s instead of walking over to Earl’s (much nicer) like we thought we might.  And the next morning as I ate my Belgian waffle with whipped cream and mixed berries and we talked about adoption and insecurities and a trip back to the Maritimes for our 20th anniverary, we sat in a Humpty’s restaurant. I had to laugh at what some of my classy friends would think of the place–truckstop/oilfield Grande Prairie in all its glory.  But the food was good and the company even better. 

  I wish I had nobler things to say about love, things that would ease the pain in your heart if your relationship isn’t happy.  I do know this:  The snobbish little entitlement attitude I had when we first got married had to go.  It happened gradually, but voluntarily.  I went from thinking he was lucky to have landed me (he did put up quite a chase) to realizing what a gift I had in him.  I don’t expect tulips on my pillow or a man who does the vacuuming–unless I’m ill.  He’s classy– even though he doesn`t eat at Earl`s.   He still amazes me with picking up a new song and learning it, working figures faster in his head than anyone I know, and being SO strong.  He knows my ugliest faults and loves me as I am.  I cannot resist that kind of love.

  I still have lot to learn about marriage and giving him space.  I have lots to learn about releasing him in my spirit and refusing to nag him with my fears and longings.  I have lots to learn about not seeking from him what only Christ can give me.*  And he has his own list of lessons.  But it`s a good journey because we`re in it together.

  (*thoughts taken from Val & Crystal Yoder’s list of ways to pray for yourself as a wife)

  And speaking of loves–I love summer and flowers.  Come swiftly, dear season.  Right now I am going out in the pale winter sunshine following a day of snow to take a walk. 

  

  Happy loving, be it February or August on the calendar or in your heart.

   

  • 9:07 pm
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